r1 - 25 May 2006 - 22:58:07 - AnarchistUYou are here: TWiki >  Anarchistu Web  >  PersonalCommunication > FLAMEAndActiveListening

FLAME and Active Listening

Active Listening

  • Listen first (you must earn the right to be heard)
    • This is what Rangers do
  • Use reflection
    • Repeat back exactly what is said, especially with upset participants
  • Use restatement
    • Repeat what you believe the participant said in your own words
    • Gives participant chance to correct if necessary
    • Gives feeling of being heard (demonstrate active listing)
  • Tips for Active listing
    • Write down what participants say
    • Slows them down (so you can get all down)
    • Has calming effect (be careful, some folks percieve this as “coplike”, be aware, and sensitive.)
  • Don't contradict if possible
    • Use “Yes, and…” (Not “yes, but…) (Demonstrate.)
    • “But’s” negate what you just said. (I love you, but…)
  • Never say "Calm down" use actions to calm

Trigger Issues

What sets YOU off

  • Be aware of your trigger issues
    • Words "stupid" "pig" "Bitch"
    • Actions. Seeing something that bothers you.
    • Resemblance reminds you of other situations
  • Recognize the feeling even when you don't recognize the cause
  • Anger makes you ineffective as a Ranger
  • Step away defer to partner
  • Recognize anger in your partner, take over discretely
  • Take care of your partner

-- AnarchistU - 25 May 2006

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